We have to be the change we want to see in the world. Simply realizing there is a problem is not enough. Helping and supporting others will bring about change. I lead by example.
When I graduated from Villanova University in 1987 with a BA in English, not only did I have no idea what I wanted to do, I had no idea who I actually was. At that time there was very little support or mentoring readily available to women. Entering my job search with no insight other than needing a job to pay my bills, I interviewed for any position that was available. I interviewed for Wall Street jobs because the pay was good, insurance jobs because my dad told me to, and publishing jobs because that was what English majors did. Never consciously explored my goals or whether I had any pertinent skills or even whether I would enjoy the jobs, I accepted any interview I could get and eventually landed at a bank.
Two years later, feeling unfulfilled and with no direction and not seeking help from my peers at work or other women at the bank, I made the decision to go to law school mainly because my father had made it look fun and easy to practice law. (I understand now it was easy because my mom was home raising the kids). After graduating, I began working at a firm that employed very few female lawyers. While the men in my firm were encouraging, they were also clueless about the struggles of a working woman in a male-dominated field. During my first year working at the firm, I found out that my male coworker with the same experience was making substantially more money than I was. When I addressed it with my boss, he told me I did not need the money as I was married and had a second income. Even though I thought this was ridiculous, I did not raise the issue again because I did not know my value or have anyone else I could discuss this with.
After my second child was born, my husband and I decided the stress of working long hours and less than ideal child care were taking a toll on our family. [I wondered] if I [should] stay home until my kids are school age. Although I felt fortunate that we could make that decision financially, I also had a deep feeling of angst about giving up a career I had built. Again, if I would have had a mentor or female support at work, I would have discussed this major life decision before I made it.
Our family moved to London for my husband’s job and in the UK I was exposed to many different ways of raising a family and also managing a career.
When we were transferred back to the US, my growing restlessness to find meaningful work that fit with being able to raise my kids propelled me to get my master’s degree in social work and begin a third career as a social worker. Most of the social workers I worked with were young, unmarried and childless. My role became expanded as not only was I helping my clients, I was also a mentor to my peers. This is when I first realized what I had been missing during my 30 years of working. I needed a leader or mentor or support system that I could turn to for guidance.
I decided to become the person I needed at all these different inflection points in my life. Providing support, help, mentorship and just listening was my first attempt at being a leader.
I began to realize how influential it would have been for me to have a community or place to go for answers during each of these pivotal moments in my life. Along with a few close friends, who believed as I did that we could be leaders for other women both young and old, we created The Co-Co a women focused co-working co-learning space.
The Co-Co is a physical and virtual space for women to become a part of a community that lifts them up and builds their connections. Besides being a physical space to work, The Co-Co offers community events on wellness, health, public speaking, and a variety of different career-building workshops. Many of our offerings were things I was missing in my long career journey. There are multiple cohorts to join in which people work with others walking similar paths. There is not just [one] single type of person who can find their place at The Co-Co. We are here for working moms, young adults, empty nesters, and even women discovering new passions in life.
Through my journey I have learned that, if we are lucky, life is long and takes many twists and turns.
There is so much opportunity to grow and encourage others. Leading by that example influences others to live their best lives. I am currently the Community Manager at The Co-Co and connecting women is the biggest part of my job. Providing guidance and leadership is so rewarding and very fun. To see how lifting women up creates a positive ripple effect is amazing. Help is out there if people reach out. Women are generous and love helping others.
I am so excited to see how The Co-Co can grow and generate a positive impact on the lives of more women. I have seen the women I touch model my leadership behavior and support other women in their own lives. The Co-Co is currently working to expand our network to women of differing backgrounds. We are starting a fellowship program in which memberships will be available to those from underrepresented environments. The network found at The Co-Co is valuable and we want those who might not get the chance to have this type of support to find it in our community.
As a woman I want other women to experience what I was missing through my journey.
Lacking the guidance and purpose I needed caused me to have no idea what I was doing for a long time. Giving that support network to women coming from all different backgrounds has been a crucial part of the way I lead.
Daily, I am leading by example to create a model of empowering women. We can make an impact on those around us. For me, it starts with a conversation, an introduction of two people, or even just sharing my experience to start that ripple of change. I lead by example.
Written in 2021.
Image courtesy of Lynne Pagano.